I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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