god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
