I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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