420 ftw
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
