Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
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He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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