i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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