listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
that is very illegal...i love you.
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