Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
