I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
