I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
