The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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