help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found puke in my bra..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
