its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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