i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
