You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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