Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
