I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
