Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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