can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
