Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
