Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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