Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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