he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
