i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
