what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
