Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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