I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
