I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
