Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
