i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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