I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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