idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
