I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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