I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
