Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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