Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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