my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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