Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize