Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
