Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
