I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
