pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
