So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
