Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
