well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
