Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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