Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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