WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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