White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
birth control should be required to get into college
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
