we have pet lesbian snakes
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
