It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
