Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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