why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
