This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
