Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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