i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
