You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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