lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
