My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
