im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im holly from the hills drunk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
