If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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