My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
