dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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