having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
