how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
