so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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