Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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