I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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