Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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