So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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