I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
