I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
