I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
