I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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