Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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