he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have post one night stand depression
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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