He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
