I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
