just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
