I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
